Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Chuckles Retro Reads #3: Draculas by Jack Kilborn etc


Mortimer Moorecook, retired Wall Street raider, avid collector, is losing his fight against cancer. With weeks to live, a package arrives at the door of his hillside mansion—an artifact he paid millions for…a hominoid skull with elongated teeth, discovered in a farmer’s field in the Romanian countryside. With Shanna, his beautiful research assistant looking on, he sinks the skull’s razor sharp fangs into his neck, and immediately goes into convulsions.


A rural hospital. A slow night in the ER. Until Moorecook arrives strapped to a gurney, where he promptly codes and dies.


Four well-known horror authors(Jack Kilborn, Blake Crouch, Jeff Strand and F Paul Wilson) pool their penchants for scares and thrills, and tackle one of the greatest of all legends, with each writer creating a unique character and following them through a vampire outbreak in a secluded hospital.

The goal was simple: write the most intense novel they possibly could. Which they did.

A Word of Warning:
Within these pages, you will find no black capes, no satin-lined coffins, no brooding heartthrobs who want to talk about your feelings. Forget sunlight and stakes. Throw out your garlic and your crosses. This is the Anti-TWILIGHT.

My Review:
I always get nervous when I see authors getting together to co-write a book, especially four! I always wonder if the styles and ideas of the authors are going to clash and turn it into a pure mess. But my fears were unfounded as soon as I got into this book.

It starts with a bang and goes on at breakneck speed in an orgy of violence and gore, with some pretty funny bits as well. Each author-Jack Kilborn, Blake Crouch, Jeff Strand and F Paul Wilson, create characters who are inside the secluded hospital when a vampire outbreak begins. There are no fluffy bunny moments or a break in the action, no waffle or endless descriptions, no classic literature or critically acclaimed writing...this is just vampire action on speed. And I loved it!

Mortimor is a rich man who is dying of cancer and has an extreme idea to cure it. He purchases a vampire skull with horrific fangs and stabs himself in the neck with it, infecting himself. His collapse is immediate and his nurse Jenny and assistant Shanna have to get him to the hospital where he swiftly dies. But Mortimor is going to come back very quickly and is very hungry and eager to infect as many people as he can. Chaos and death are about to reign in the hospital as the uninfected try to escape or hide and the vampire hordes hunt them down.

We follow Jenny and her ex husband Randall who is in hospital after an unfortunate chainsaw accident, the obnoxious Dr Lanz who had Jenny fired from the hospital, Shanna and her redneck cop boyfriend Clay, Adam in the labour ward with wife Stacie, Benny the Clown at the ER after being bitten by a child at a birthday party who is stuck to him by the braces on her teeth and Carla the nurse on the labour ward. There are also a lot of people at the hospital for various reasons who are about to become a walking and screaming buffet!

It is Lanz who manages to get a call in to the police to alert them while all hell is breaking out around him. Victims are growing fangs as their own fall out, the sign of infection, and a full scale bitefest is under way. Hospital staff are trying to close wards and protect the vulnerable patients as monsters stalk the dark corridors. Shanna comes back from a coffee to find Mortimor had died, reanimated and is chewing on people. Benny the Clown discovers that being chomped by a child is going to be the start of a really bad day. Jenny begins to see the now sober Randall in a new light as the injured man uses his chainsaw to protect her and a ward full of kids. Oasis is discovering that being a child vampire makes it kinda tough to get a decent meal. Adam's wife needs blood after the delivery but does he really want to venture down to the basement to get it?

As well as the gore, then is some seriously inappropriate humour which I really enjoyed. Without a doubt, my favourite character was Benny the Clown with his squeaky shoes. As he arrives on the children's ward where others are hiding...

"Benny the Clown had torn open the man's abdominal cavity, his claws cradling several loops of glistening intestines. But rather than gorging on them, the clown was stretching and pulling the bloody loops, twisting the organ into knots. Familiar knots.
'Is that...a flamingo?' asked the old woman."

LOL! I was laughing when I read that! Comedy and horror are great when put together well, like in Evil Dead 2, and that was one of the highlights in this book. It was so refreshing to read a book where the death toll gives 24 a run for it's money, where the plot is just a crazy bloodbath and where you are totally entertained from start to finish.

If you like gory horror with a few chuckles in it which is not to be taken seriously, and a B movie type plot, then Draculas is for you!

Read September 2015. 
star rating photo: 5 Star Rating 5stars.jpg


  1. All of these are authors I've been reading for years. I'm surprised I missed this one. Must fix that ASAP!

    1. I thought I'd read something by Blake Crouch before this but I don't see anything on my Goodreads page. Weird...

  2. I didn't think I'd have missed this one. Found it on my Kindle and will start reading it this week. Thanks for the share.

    1. Glad you found it and I hope you enjoy it!