Sunday, 6 November 2016

Book Review: Pteranadon Mall by Ian Woodhead


An ordinary day at work at the mall turns into a blood bath of hungry jaws and long, sharp teeth. A time machine goes awry and plants a horde of ferocious dinosaurs inside and all hell is about to break loose. A ragtag group survivors band together using wits and innovation as the only hope of escaping certain death.

Pteranodon Mall a fast paced prehistoric thriller with nonstop action and horror.


My Review: 
I blame myself. I do. I said I wouldn't read anything else by this author after that awful f bomb extravaganza zombie novel but I was seduced by the idea of pteranadons in a shopping mall-and boy do I wish I hadn't bothered.

We start with some kind of prehistoric sounding tribe on a spaceship, some of whom seem to be terrorists who are blowing up the ship. We switch to the MC Jefferson who hates his job, hates his friends and decides to get out of the mall at lunchtime to avoid them. He is locked out by a weird force field that makes him think he loves his job and friends, tells him to go to the pub where there might be a beautiful woman, and makes him vomit. But he forces his way inside despite this to find the friends he hates. As you do.

Then we get gross weird pervert janitor who finds a strange bird and hides it, hoping to sell it for profit. His enemy who owns a pet shop sees the bird and thinks about profit if he had one but then watches mall employees being controlled by a man shape covered in yellow feathers playing a kind of pipe. Great-the Mad Pied Piper Birdman of the Mall. Bloody hell. WTF is this???

We don't even see the attack on the mall because we were stuck with Jefferson trying to avoid his obnoxious friends and charity workers. I was expecting people running screaming through the mall as the pteranadons attacked, like the scene from Jurassic World, but no such luck. We saw nothing except weird stuff and more idiot characters. I just didn't find anything of interest in the opening chapters! No brilliant dinosaur attacks, no characters to care about, no cohesive story, no apparant plot, rambling writing style and poor dialogue.

This was weird and bad on an epic scale and it will certainly be the last time I go near this author.  

Read November 2016.
star rating photo: 1 star orange-1star.jpg

2 comments:

  1. Darn. It sure looked and sounded promising. So glad I read your review!

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    Replies
    1. I know, it sounded good! I guess I'll just go and watch Jurassic World again instead! Gah...

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