Sunday, 28 February 2016

Book Review: FIVA by Gordon Stainforth

In 1969, teenage twin brothers Gordon and John Stainforth set out from their home in Hertfordshire, England, to climb the highest rock face in Europe — Norway’s Troll Wall. The route they targeted is called “Fiva” (pronounced “fever”). Poor judges of their own abilities, experience, and gear, they began the climb convinced they would return to their tent in time for afternoon tea.

Within hours of starting the route, things went terribly wrong. Fiva is the story that Gordon Stainforth lived to tell, 40 years later. While it’s a tale that climbers will embrace, the adventure is one that all readers of non-fiction adventure will enjoy and find absorbing. It’s a story of innocence, brotherly love, youthful folly, and of danger, danger, and more danger.

My Review:
This was a typical example of a couple of over-confident and underprepared idiots who almost got killed on an 'adventure'. The levels of sheer stupidity in this book are mindblowing!

-setting off on a climb with a couple of cheese sandwiches and chocolate bars
-no emergency rations
-limited pegs for climbing
-relying on a few lines in a guidebook to 'plan' your attempt on a climb you've never done
-not paying attention to markers and signs so continually having to retrace steps and going the wrong way countless times
-no breakfast before starting the climb

If all that wasn't bad enough, when one has an accident and breaks his knee, do they turn back? No of course not, they decide to climb on to the summit with no food and we have to put up with the idiot moaning and complaining non stop about the agony he was in from the injury. I had no sympathy at all for him as he brought all his misery on himself.

The injured one got on my nerves all through the book with his constant whining. Ooh I'm in pain, I'm hungry, I'm cold, I'm lost blah blah blah. Well if you had went properly prepared and equipped and shown a bit of common sense, none of the bad things would have happened. He was constantly imagining that the walls were alive and mocking him and he was holding strange conversations with them and swearing constantly at them. Seriously weird! We get 100 descriptions about how evil he thinks the place is: Troll's Arse, Troll Buggers, Troll King, Hall of the Mountain Troll, Giant Peak of the Trolls,Herr Troll...he's obsessed with damn trolls and I found this way beyond annoying. I wanted to FEED him to a TRoll by the end of it.

And of course The Trolls were answering him with insults like blundering piddlers, and he was going on about English pixies, flushing toilets and trouser wetting. I mean seriously, what the hell is this idiot author talking about? It was confused and baffling crap! Add in his so called witty soundbites and jokes, and the use of derogatory words for the physically impaired and I wanted to kill him. I did NOT find it amusing to describe himself as climbing like a spastic. The author frankly comes across as rude, self obsessed and moronic.

I don't recommend this rubbish to anyone.
star rating photo: 1 star orange-1star.jpg

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