“Junco?”
Tier whispers next to my ear. “Junco? Ya awake, darlin’?”
I
tuck my head into my chest and whisper, “No,” so softly, even I
barely hear it.
His
arm slides underneath me and then pulls me towards him. He lets out
the longest sigh I’ve ever heard and then kisses me on the back of
the head. “I love you, Junco.”
My
chest hitches as the tears build. “No, you don’t. You’re going
to leave me.”
He
stays silent and this is when it all becomes real for me. He’s
leaving. I’m not sure where he’s going or how it will happen, but
he’s leaving. He’s not staying, there’s no happy ending for me.
“Junco,
listen—”
“No,”
I say back quickly. “I’m tired of listening to all the bad things
people want to tell me. I’m done listening. I wish I’d never come
out of the Pillar. I wish I was dead. I wish someone would slice me
into little bits and make it all go away. I wish my parents had
killed me as a child. I wish I’d just let Matthew do it on the
sniper range. I wish—”
“I
wish I could stay, Junco.”
I
say nothing. It’s the final straw for me. To have Tier admit that
he’s leaving and there’s no way to stop him is the end of my
sanity. I pull away from him and slide over to the wall.
“When
I was a boy I lived in the clutch with Ashur.”
My
interest picks up with this sentence.
“It
was a small clutch, just us.” His chest shakes a little with a
small laugh. “We’re twins, did ya know that?”
“I
could sorta tell. You know, since you actually look almost
identical.”
“Yeah,
but not enough to be mistaken for one another, though, right? Not
twins like that. We’re twins in that we’re Lucan’s made sons.”
“What’s
that mean?” I ask with a sniffle to try to get my nose under
control.
“We
were engineered by Gib. One of many warriors who are made special.
But I was the one picked out of the womb. Me. Ashur was chosen for
something else, I’m not sure what. He has no idea what I’m doing
here, I have no idea what he’s doing. Lucan makes it that way on
purpose, just in case the High Order comes and tries to see our
minds.”
He
stops to let me think about this for a few seconds.
“But
I’ve always known, Junco. I was never lied to, or forced, or asked
to give more than I was willing. I’ve always been willing. This is
my one true purpose, to save Lucan’s life, to end his punishment
cycle, and to give this world a second chance once it’s all said
and done. And I never knew that you’d be so… so… well, lovable.
I’ve had”—he stops to think of a word—“girls. I’ve had
that, but I’ve never had anything like you. I never even knew these
feelings were possible. I love my brothers, and I miss Braun so much
it hurts me inside to think about him. So I suppose that’s the
closest I’ve come. But when you walked away from me out there in
the mountains, I thought I died, Junco. That’s how much it hurt to
watch you disappear. And then I had this little spark of hope, for
the briefest of moments when Arel said you dissipated Inanna. I
thought, She’s coming back, it’ll be OK.”
I
swallow and then turn to face him. His eyes are a little bit watery
and his mouth is just one long frown. I reach out and touch his lips
and then lift my eyes to meet his. “I’m sorry,” I whisper
softly.
“I
know how you feel, Junco. Because that’s how I felt when you left.
I understand that it hurts so much you just want to lie down and
die.” He stops again and his eyes dart back and forth between mine.
“But you just have to trust that Lucan knows what’s best.”
I
turn away angry. “Fuck Lucan. He’s only out for himself. He used
me, he’s using you!” I turn back. “He’s using us, Tier.”
Tier
nods. “Yes, Junco. He is.”
I
whimper a little as the tears build up so fast they are rolling down
my cheeks before I can stop them. “Then why are we doing this?”
“Because
I gave him permission, Junco. He’s planned for this day for
thousands of years. He’s got an end beyond the ending in mind and
you just have to have faith.”
“But
that end beyond doesn’t include you?”
Tier
shakes his head. “No, darlin’. It doesn’t.”
“Why?”
I whine. “Why do you do it then?”
“Because
Junco, there are more important things in this universe than me.”
