Chuckles Chuntering...with Dave the Pumpkin

Hi guys, Dave the furry pumpkin talking to you from a safehouse in Scotland where my two human companions have me under guard. It's so dangerous to be a pumpkin at this time of year with people thinking they can just grab you and try to carve shapes into your fur and stick a candle up your...well, let's not go there, eh! I'm happy sitting snug in my Hufflepuff hat, watching TV and trying to calm my stressed out frenzied humans!

It's been a stressful week you know. I finally calmed my mum Chuckles down and got her to chill out in front of the TV and stop working around the house to get a rest but stress is never far away. That fence dude guy that was due on Wednesday with the quote? Well guess what, he still hasn't shown his face and the humans are not very happy about it. Chuckles dad, my grandpa, was raging about and using words a respectable pumpkin like me can't even spell! He's going out tomorrow to see another guy about a quote on this stupid fence. You'd think these workmen people just don't want to work the way they're going! 

With ordered books coming later this week, my mum decided to order a couple more books using Amazon's next day delivery so she could do some retail therapy Monday or Tuesday, and they were due Saturday. Did they come? Did they heck as like. What do you expect when Amazon gave the order to Hermes???!!! Trusting them planks with one day delivery? *pumpkin snort* Now Amazon have no clue where it is or when it will arrive and the retail therapy trip is cancelled. Hermes and Yodel are pathetic (not the words used last night I can tell you!) and my mum is climbing the walls at having to sacrifice her long lie in bed today in the vain hope it turns up. I'd cuddle her but I have no arms...

While I'm thinking about Halloween, what is it with making us pumpkins look evil and scary? I'm a nice kind of guy and it's offensive to be seen as some kind of vegetable psychopath! Maybe that's why people are so keen to chop us up. Listen, do a pumpkin a favour this year and carve out a parsnip or something, yeah? Those guys really are unpleasant characters and deserve a bit of cruelty in their direction for a change...